Maui Arts & Entertainment

10 Signs the Bamboo Forest Isn’t for You

February 19, 2013, 4:11 PM HST
* Updated February 19, 5:06 PM
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Once again, dear friends, this has been posted in “Entertainment,” which is to say it’s meant to entertain you.

By Vanessa Wolf

The Bamboo Forest. Photo by Vanessa Wolf

The Bamboo Forest. Photo by Vanessa Wolf.

Yet again, the airlift crews have been called out to the Bamboo Forest.

We’re not judging the whos, whats, hows or whys of that situation, but it did seem like good timing to offer up a handy checklist for those about to attempt the hike.

Recognize yourself in this list? Maybe consider reconsidering.

10 Signs the Bamboo Forest Isn’t for You


10. You or any member of your party is wearing a) slippers (i.e. flip-flops) b) diapers c) beer goggles d) a t-shirt that says “I’m With Stupid.” e) all of the above


9. Your idea of keeping fit is to park and walk into a fast food joint instead of using the drive-thru.

8. You understand a “flash flood” to be something like a “flash mob”: fun, spontaneous, and featuring music by the Black Eyed Peas.

7. You see dead people. Or at least think you do.


6. Your elderly wife just asked what you mean by “hike.”

5. You have any kind of issue whatsoever with slick rocks, rickety homemade ladders, crossing streams via wobbly 2x6s, or broken bones.

4. You sincerely believe that because the hike is listed in Maui Revealed the usual dangers of nature somehow don’t apply.

3. You fear taking a ride in a helicopter… via a rope… dangling 20 feet below it.

2. It’s raining cats, dogs, sheets, pitchforks, hammer handles, hot coupons, buckets, or men.

1. You thought they said the Bamboo Florist.

Have an idea for a fun or thought-provoking story? Get in touch: we want to hear from you. -Vanessa (

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